Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
