Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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