Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
