Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
