between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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