You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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