So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I didn't notice because vodka
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize