Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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