I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Randomize
