the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Randomize
