i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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