What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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