i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
