she looked like the bat from fern gully.
sarcasm needs its own font
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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