when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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