I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
