That's when you crack a 10am beer
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
