Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
