she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Randomize
