Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
