I wish you could order shots online.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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