Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
