I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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