my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
