Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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