I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
