i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
