Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
