I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
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