Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
