so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
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