so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
