i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize