Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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