It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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