areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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