Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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