I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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