Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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