still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
