well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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