I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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