my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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