There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
