So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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