Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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