When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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