She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
