I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
