Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
