Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
