you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
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