I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
