walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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