i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Randomize
