This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
