Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
