Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Randomize
