She went from zero to smokin in five shots
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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