I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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