You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
