Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
