Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
