Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
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