we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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