I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
