her vagine was all disorganized.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
