There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
